YOUR DAY WITH BAI

Failure. Something every single one of us will experience a million times in this life. Failed tests. Failed attempts at sports. Failed relationships. Failed jobs. It’s a repetitive cycle that sometimes we just can’t shake. Sometimes life will knock you on your ass a hundred times before it allows you stand up. Even after getting properly settled on your feet, it’s only so long before another obstacle comes our way and puts us right back on the ground. Failure seems like a strange topic to discuss for a first blog topic – let’s hope it’s not a foreshadow – but I think it’s the most realistic story I can offer for my recent events in life. I discovered the strand of failures that I’ve been following for about half a year now while climbing a mountain in Wyoming which is fitting. This course of events started when I left a relationship that was no longer serving me. When you put all your time, effort, energy, and care into another person who can’t reciprocate that, it feels like a failure. Like in some way you’ve failed as a person and in conclusion failed at relationships. Next came the season of my life where I felt stuck. Trapped was an understatement and I couldn’t wait to get out of the little beach town I once dreamt of living in. I applied to several small jobs across the country and got a few offers but could always find an excuse to not go. Lastly, I started a new job and moved up the country to a place I’d never been and suddenly felt like a terrified, miserable scarecrow. Afraid to make my next move without giving it enough time, I started reevaluating some things. I realized that I had been looking at just about everything in the completely wrong light. My once “half glass full” mentality became an empty cup that I couldn’t seem to keep water in if I tried. I began interviewing myself and seeing exactly why I thought failure had become a regular occurrence in my life. I then saw it didn’t just appear. These were much larger failures than I had experienced in the past, and in turn felt like I was evolving into a failure. Quickly I realized I needed to start counting my blessings. I thank God and the universe daily for the things provided to me, but for some reason it wasn’t sinking into my brain that I did in fact have everything I ever wished for and more. After months of coming up with reasons to not flee the state, finally I chose to release every doubt in myself. I applied for my dream job (and I got it). Within 3 extremely tough months from training and distance from family, I began flying. This was something I always wanted to reach for but never did because of my fear of failure, which a lot of us carry. Getting over that fear was exhilarating. I made it. Finally. First I went to San Francisco. It was my first time in California and beautiful. I met up with a friend from flight attendant training and we explored the golden gate bridge, had pasta at a dim lit Italian hole-in-the-wall in the city, and loved every second. It wasn’t until my third time there in a row where I began to question if I would ever get to see anywhere else. As an imperfect impulsive human, I jumped. I jumped to conclusions, I jumped to looking at other jobs, I jumped to figure out what to do with the year-lease we just signed. Then, I sat with it. I kept that jump deep in my bones. I slept with it, I ate with it, I sipped my coffee with it, and lastly I hiked with it. Eventually 3 weeks later, I did see places other than San Francisco. I saw the state I’ve been dreaming of forever, Oregon. I got off the plane in Cancun and spent the afternoon at pool then enjoyed my first international dinner alone. I went to Boston and contemplated buying a red sox hat to embody Kenny Chesney’s hit about the girl from Massachusetts. Finally, I reached Wyoming. Our hotel was in the heart of the mountains and I knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to try my first solo hike. I started walking when it was 5am in the pitch black dark and reached the top as the sun was rising. The crisp air is something I had never similarly experienced before. For the first time in my life, I felt full. A complete 360 for my life occurred. Going from “trapped” to “liberated” was hands down the best outcome I could’ve ever asked for. So here it is. My newfound freedom I will write about weekly meant to help you find yours. Welcome to my life through the blog.